Service Plan Details

We have finished all paperwork and interviews. We bought our lead paint test kit, and all we have left to do is send the results to Bethany and put up two more smoke alarms. A few people asked at church today about our adoption service plan, so here's the current list of what we are open to:

Attributes of Child:

0-1 Age of child
Yes multiple births
Yes Surgically correctable medical condition

Birthparent Social/Medical History

Yes Limited or no medical information on birthfather
Yes Victim of rape
Will consider Victim of incest
Yes Mental illness in birthparent
Yes Anxiety Disorder
Yes Depression
Yes Mental illness in extended family
Yes Learning disability in birthparent
Yes Learning disability in extended family
Yes ADD/ADHD
Yes Alcohol/drug use by mother prior to pregnancy
Yes Alcohol/drug use by father
Yes Reported drug/alcohol abuse in extended family
Yes Criminal history
Yes Viral sexually transmitted diseases
Yes Lack of consistent medical care for birthmother during pregnancy

We said "Yes" across the board on the openness options we have:

Meet expectant parent(s) prior to the birth
Involve the birthparents in naming the child
Legal Risk/direct placement of a child according to applicable state law
Interstate placement (willingness to travel)
Exchange full names/addresses/phone numbers with birth family
Pictures, e-mail, video and written updates directly with birthparents/family
Pictures, e-mail, video and written updates through Bethany Christian Services
Please specify preferred frequency of updates(2-4 times per year until child is 18)
Ongoing face to face contact with birthparents, child and adoptive parents
Visits to take place in home
Visits to take place in neutral setting

Home Study

Our social worker came tonight for our home study and Angie's individual interview, and she was here for about two and a half hours. Because of the age of our house, we have to test for lead paint, and we need to get a carbon monoxide detector. Angie's interview was a long one. When asked how I (Angie) deal with grief, I started off with shallow, flippant answers and then the flood gates opened. That little cry did me good.

Stan's interview is in Raleigh on the 18th, and then our social worker has 30 days to write up the home study, run it by us, have it approved by her supervisor, have it approved by the state director, and then we're on a list of waiting families. I'll finish our profile book in the meantime, have the social worker approve it online, and have it printed. I'm estimating that our profile book will be shown starting in late September.

I have to give a shout out to Stan on the blog today. School has begun for me, so I've had a pretty exhausting week (without air on Wednesday! whew!). When I came home today for the interview, the house was spotless, people . . . spotless!! You've done it now, honey. Now I know you can clean.

The Next Thing

We had our first family assessment meeting with our social worker, and it lasted over two hours. She asked direct questions and seemed really to hear us. After listening to us both discuss our views on trans-racial adoption, she made the call that Stan is ready for that, but Angie is not. For me (Angie), that was actually a load off because I've been feeling the pressure to make that decision. She didn't close the door by any means and recommended several books for us to read.

We have our home visit on Thursday, August 12. She'll meet with our pastor and then come over to the house to check for safety issues.  Then we'll have individual interviews some time later in August. And then . . . and then   . . . we'll be on the waiting list. Yeeehaaaw. She reminded us that we are not in competition with the other waiting families but rather that God has already planned the family he will create when we are "matched" with the birth parents.  Bethany does not do the pairing; birth parents are shown profile books of the families that match their needs and desires. For example, our profile book (one we're making on Shutterfly) might be shown to Caucasian birth parents who want an open adoption and who have a family medical history that matches the list Stan and I agreed upon.

Family Assessment

Finally! Our Family Assessment, what most agencies call the Home Study, begins today. We got a call from Bethany on Monday saying that all our paperwork is in and that we need to schedule three meetings. Ironically, we've been off all summer, school is about to start, and we now need to schedule weekday meetings. Angie goes back to work this Wednesday, August 4, so we squeezed in the first meeting for today, Tuesday, August 3. One of the main purposes of today's meeting is to make some big decisions regarding our infant adoption service plan and openness options. All that translates into this: What are our preferences for age, physical impairments, mental impairments, family medical history, and level of openness with the the birth parents? We have filled out a questionnaire of YES, NO, and WILL CONSIDER for issues like these:

Birth mother is a victim of incest.
Birth parents have a criminal history.
Birth mother lacked consistent medical care.
Placement is multiple births.
We want to involve the birth parents in naming the child.

We had no idea all of these issues were involved, so the process has been interesting. We've gone back to the questionnaire over the past few months as we've learned more about the benefits of open adoption and the nature of children whose parents abused drugs prior to pregnancy, etc. We felt comfortable saying YES to issues that our own biological children may have had (anxiety, attention deficit, etc.) and are more and more comfortable with WILL CONSIDER than we used to be on issues such as contact with the birth parents.

We're going to Raleigh today to meet with our social worker, and then we'll go to Raleigh once more. Finally, she will come here to see our home and check it for safety. We may actually have to install the three smoke detectors that have been sitting in our laundry room.